My grandmother thinks that everyone in the world should have a Bible in their house. 'Because when you get low enough, it's where you'll turn.'
So I have Bibles. One is leather, an oversight on her part, as I've largely refused to touch leather for countless years, and sits collecting dust. Others are covered in paper or cardboard or plastic, and much more touchable. I'm a particular fan of the pocket-sized New Testament I was given by my uncle, even if the best stories are all in the Old Testament.
But I don't turn to them when I'm low. I turn to them when I'm curious, or when I wish I could believe, but never when I'm low. When the world seems dark and hopeless, the only Holy Bible I can stomach is the one written by the Manic Street Preachers.
When I'm too down to move, when I have absolutely no hope, when everything is falling to pieces and I'm going right down with it...I listen to music. And that's it.
Music is my religion, as I have intimated before. I originally meant this in jest, but the more I think about it, the more accurate it seems. It is where I turn when I'm down. It's the only thing I'm able to have faith in. I believe implicitly in its purity, its goodness. I'm always searching for salvation in the form of the Perfect Band, and perhaps I'll never find it, but diligent searching is fine by me. It will, perhaps, turn me into a better person. And if not, at least it lends some sort of purpose to life.
I study everything related to music, from production methods to music theory to marketing to the actual playing of instruments. I'm like a religious fanatic who goes to holy places and reads books on the historical life of Jesus. My pilgrimages consist of journeys to other states to see bands play. Church consists of frequent attendance at local indie shows (though I wish I could be better for that). Hell, I even do missionary work (listen to [band name]!).
I won't ever find God. I have one already.
revoless.
3:42 p.m.
February 01, 2004.
Listening to: The Good Life.
learning from dreams or I'm a donkey alright.