Now that I've finally ceased to smell like a concert venue, on to the entry writing.
My mother woke me up around noon today (I stayed up until sunrise drinking--oops). I haven't really been home since then.
We started out by going to the bead show. I got an African necklace and some roundish crystal...things that are apparently vintage, and shine in several different colours. Impossible to describe, really, but made a brilliant bracelet.
Went to the mall later, and found the most perfect bra ever. I needed a red one in order to wear one of my newer shirts, and so I tried it on (uncomfortable all the while). And. It was amazing. I've never had a bra that fit that well. I was walking around in utter awe for at least an hour.
Also got a skirt, because it was too odd/beautiful/awful to pass up. Was too perfectly me, essentially. I felt like a moron for buying it in a normal store, but it was cheap for a new skirt, so I guess it's okay.
Yes, I still feel a bit odd about it. Yes, I'm probably going to stop shopping anywhere but thrift shops for the vast majority of my clothes very soon, because it seems incredibly stupid to me to pay full price for things. Especially since I mostly look for interesting, and that's easier to find in thrift shops than anywhere else.
I like being out of the house, with people. Even if it's just family. I get bouncy for other people. When I'm alone I don't feel the need to act happy for their sake, and consequentially tend to sink into deeper funks than I would otherwise. Of course, sometimes I am too sad or happy to bother with an act of any sort, but the acting does shift my mood either way. And I do feel obligated to be happy for people. Cheer them up. So going out becomes a good thing.
Finally, we got home. And my mother called my aunt, mostly to explain our not coming over last night, and blahblah. In any case! My aunt apparently told my mother that I should've told my cousin about the Bright Eyes show, because he would've liked to go as well. (Confused?) Which basically made me go, 'WHAT THE FUCK? I DIDN'T KNOW HE LIKED BRIGHT EYES!' internally. But that was internally. It does figure though, I suppose. I forget that he likes good music, because my knowledge of his music taste stopped quite a few years ago. His favourite band at the moment is Godspeed You! Black Emperor, so I really should've realised he likes good music. I'm told to inform that segment of the family any time I'm going to a show now, because I've apparently proven I have similar taste? Or something? Whatever. I just keep track of when people are playing better than they do. Which is amazing, since I keep incredibly shitty track of things.
I also got a ride to the Cursive/Eastern Youth show in September all set up. Me am happy. My aunt didn't know who they were, but I described Cursive somewhat, and she said she'd like to go. I might be driving by then, since I'm getting out more often lately, but that's cool just the same. She invited me to go with her to the goth/fetish club with her in Columbus sometime too, which is also very cool. It's one of my favourite subcultures, musically as well as fashion-wise. I mostly just hope they play good shit, since there's tripe in every genre of music. I'll probably enjoy it somewhat though.
My aunt is generally obscenely cool. I probably just think this because she's more like me than any member of the family. Reasonably good taste in music (my whole family is more mainstream than me, but most people are), bisexual, hair that changes dramatically on a consistent basis (you can't even imagine some of the odd shit she's done to it), fashion sense that tends towards anything unusual and a bit glam, a tendency to manipulate people (though not to the point that she's disliked by anyone), fuck, she even has the blackeyebrowsandlighthair combination, at least before she dyes it. Anyway. She's just very like me.
One last thing for this entry: I've decided that going to shows stabilises me. Knowing they're coming keeps me in a relatively up mood, even when I'm down. They also keep me from getting too high, somehow. It's odd. So: I have to keep track of my bands, and make sure to go out and see them more often. At least one band plays every week, so this shouldn't be particularly difficult.
It's nice knowing something that'll keep me functional. I still feel a fucking lot, and I still get suicidal, but not often to the point of not speaking or leaving the room. At least when I have someone to see play. Having the shows to look forward to just seems to ground me. Make me less reckless when I'm high, and less destructive when I'm low.
Yet another instance of music being my God?
revoless.
12:08 a.m.
August 03, 2003.
Listening to: Noise for Pretend.
