Wars have given way to peace treaties. Details:

Made a peace treaty with food stating that I will eat or not eat as it pleases me, in an attempt to not obsess over food or the processes of eating or not eating, and to gain some form of real control over my eating patterns. So far this treaty is working well. Obsession with food is fading to near-nothing, and I have fabulous starvation days, and occasional normal eating days as well. Good results. Losing too much weight, though, I think.

Made a peace treaty with my body saying that I will eat enough to keep it alive and functioning, for its part, it is expected to be kind to me, and generally function in a normal manner. This is not working because I am generally not eating enough. It's fighting back. I am hesitating on declaring a full-fledged war again, purely because that would require my breaking the Food Peace Treaty. And that's working so well that I really don't want to fuck things up there.

Also made a peace treaty with my emotions. It states that I will appreciate and enjoy my happy and sad moments, and that they, in return, will not be intense burdens, or creativity stiflers for me. This is going well. Insanely well, in fact. I feel better than I have in years, even on the sad days. And this is just. Really good. (Yeah, I'm articulate.)

Made one more treaty, of sorts. This is more of a realisation than anything else though. That being that music is my Talent, and I have to sacrifice my life to it, full throttle, and actually work for it, for it to work for me. This one hasn't been in effect for long enough for me to actually say how it's going. And will take years to see if it actually produces a desirable effect. Will update later, I'm certain. God knows I talk about it enough.

Nothing else for today, really. Just wanted to get all of that down in one entry. Sort out the thoughts in some kind of methodical manner.

revoless.
12:01 a.m.
October 21, 2001.
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thinking in tones or waste life when youth is sweeter, neater