This layout is intended to be profoundly temporary. I'd had the old one too long, found this one on my comp, and was too lazy to take pictures of my own. So I altered this layout to make it slightly less annoying and slammed the thing on here. There are benefits to making layouts even when you don't intend to change them, apparently.
The point: Don't freak out if you hate it, because it's probably not going to last very long anyway.
I've been obsessing over the Manics again. Judge Yourself did it. Too bad they don't make music like that anymore. If they did, they'd still be in my top five musically. Lyrics are a different matter entirely, and that's the main reason they stay on a pedestal with me. (Note to self: Make top five lyricists list.)
Most of today has been spent running around, doing random chores (which seems not to have gotten things very far? I'm confused. I want to cry. I'm never washing dishes again!)
I'm sorry, I'm not explaining anything.
I woke up at 4am. I'm tired already.
And all I want to do is organise, and consume, and understand.
The most difficult part of existence, for me, is not being able to understand others thoughts and minds and convictions. I am always trying to, but there are some things that I haven't figured out. Yet.
You know, a large part of me still wants to change the world. Spread understanding. I don't want fame, but I want to make people comprehend each other better. Be more tolerant. Care more. Be more passionate about everything in the world. The entire generation, several generations, have become far too apathetic. Raised by televisions. And I'm no different, but I do have a desire to be, and I will be...
I've already lost almost all of my shyness. I say and do and wear whatever the fuck I want to, regardless of any external opinion.
I'm incredibly naive lately. I rather like it.
I know: I will fail, and I will drive myself insane. I'm okay with this. Because all a person can do is try. Shove people in the right directions and nod in approval.
Um. God. I can tell I'm tired, I'm speaking far too candidly.
I'm trying to figure out the best way to accomplish these things. I guess it doesn't matter. That I should do everything possible as quickly as possible, regardless of best ways. If you plan your words you never speak them.
But there's so much more I need to learn...
Yup. Understand everything, then make others understand as much as possible. Perhaps I should be a teacher? Ha.
Everything. What a word. And I seem to be so obsessed with being everything.
I don't understand it at all. But at least I come close to the goal in a few avenues, and that's something.
I will consume the entire world. You shall see. And I'm certain I'll puke some of it back up eventually. It may be just as repulsive, as well. Flush it down the drain...
Wow. I should really just sleep. I'm starting to lose track of my own thoughts already.
CAN'T I BE BALANCED FOR ONE MORE DAY? Fuck.
But hey, at least I should write more in the next week or so, right? If things are swinging in that direction, as they seem to be. (Sigh.)
revoless.
7:22 p.m.
July 09, 2003.
Listening to: Manic Street Preachers.
Drinking: Nothing.
Eating: Nothing.