Rambling, tangential, altogether not-very-good entry:

Helped out at the church library today. Listening to Bright Eyes and 20 Minute Loop and Minus the Bear. Thought about how all the world's the same, all books are written by the same people, and how comforting the concept that everyone dies is.

Miss having chocolate soy milk. Need vegetable bullion. But it's 11 degrees outside, so I'm not keen on the idea of going out anymore.

There were snowflakes frozen on the windshield like sticker-stars. Not enough to obscure the view, just to brighten things a bit with sporadic crystalline dots in my view. That, I think, made the day worth experiencing.

I don't have much to say lately. Reading an insane number of political and/or scientific articles. Thinking a lot, but none of it would be too interesting to most, I'd say.

Music is my main focus of late. More listening than making. I haven't enjoyed singing lately. I wonder if the universe only lets me have one thing I really enjoy at a time.

Been doing anything possible to slow down my brain. Focusing intently on the lyrics of others. The songwriting styles. Lots of math rock lately, when I'm not listening to folksy stuff. Odd combination, that. But it's good. Occasionally I'll put in a band that doesn't fit into either category. The only problem there is that I tend to think, 'Isn't it time for a key change yet?'

Math rock has shortened my attention span. I need songs full of bridges.

Have grown fond of certain over-the-counter drugs as well, because they slow down my brain and fuck me up rather nicely. No glamour at all, not even of the misplaced sort that's often found in unsavory places, but it helps me survive. Stops me thinking about...whatever it is I'm trying to avoid.

I'll do anything that I think might help my misery. Even if it only helps a little.

I'm never allowed to try illegal drugs. I wouldn't be able to handle them. But at least I know that.

Sorry for this entry. I've been down, so there's nothing else I can really write about at the moment.

Oh, wait, an up note: I finally get to see another show on the tenth. This Saturday. I feel an incredible amount of relief when I think about this. It's just a bunch of local Dayton bands, but I miss being around scenesters, believe it or not. I said a few days ago that I'd even settle for being around a punker with sXe written out in studs on their jacket. And considering that's the sort of person I usually mock derisively, well, you get the point.

I feel at home at intimate little indie shows. I think that's what I miss, honestly.

It doesn't matter that most of the bands are bad to mediocre, it's home. And I need that desperately, because I haven't found it anywhere else. (Excepting goth clubs, when there's decent music on, but that's a similar thing. And I become incredibly uncomfortable even in goth clubs when they play music I don't like [during the peak times, generally], so even there it's not as home as local bands' concerts. One place requires good music for me to be comfortable, the other doesn't.)

Still sad. Rambled too long. But do feel a bit better now that I've gotten all that out of my system. And ranted about music a bit. Or scenes, more accurately.

Stay beautiful.

revoless.
12:42 p.m.
January 06, 2004.
Listening to: Nothing.

comments? 0.

I don't want to forget anymore or The questions aren't rhetorical

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