Music ranting, as always:

For the first time in my life I'm more obsessed with making music than listening to it. Well. That's not true. When I was Very Small I was more obsessed with making music than listening to it, but that's just because I'd only been exposed to teen pop, rap, and the classical music on cartoons. The songs in my head were much more innovative and interesting, comparatively speaking. But even then I wasn't too obsessed with the process of performing the music in my head, and now the whole process is dominating my head and soul.

I realised it while making a top five list of albums I couldn't live without. Halfway through it--after I got down the albums that literally changed my life--I realised that I could live without just about any of them. I no longer define myself by what I listen to, what I consume, but what I make.

Of course, I don't know what I'm making yet. I've grown disenchanted with how I've written music for the past few years, so now I'm poking around with the possibilities. Trying to find my soul.

When it comes to sound, Neko Case owns my soul. But Shellac is sleeping on my bedroom floor. It will probably take a while to reconsile these two (amidst everything else I enjoy) into something that sounds like, well, me.

And I'm getting closer, but there's still a way to go. I'll just work on lyrics, my voice, and my playing while I'm working it out. Plenty of things to do.

...Let's go back to not needing albums.

Even my concert-going proclivities have been affected by this change. I no longer feel a need to see every band I like live. Absolute favourites need to be seen, of course. (After all, I'd choose one night of live music over lifetime possession of an album any day.) But for the most part my interest in shows has shrunk. Not in how often I like to see live music, but in what kind of shows I find more appealing.

I like local shows. And I always have, really. But lately they're all I've wanted to see. So long as I resign myself to the fact that I'm going to hear shitty metalcore or poppunk before I go, I'm not so annoyed by those bands, and can enjoy the night immensely.

I don't know why I've lost interest in bigger shows. Ticket price is probably a large factor. Not all of it though, I don't think.

In any case, I'm done.

revoless.
2:44 a.m.
December 18, 2003.
Listening to: Nothing.

comments? 1.

Yes. No. Maybe. or You were carved from bone but your heart is just sand

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