This is good:

I discovered something today.

I like playing guitar. Or my brand new acoustic guitar, at least.

I've just lost two hours without even realising they were passing. (Which explains why my fingers are now numb, something I had been wondering about before I looked at the clock.)

And this is big because I've never actually enjoyed playing an instrument before. I've had brief affairs, leading to the passable ability to play, two instruments previously, but I never actually enjoyed the process of playing them. I liked the results I got sometimes. I liked how they allowed me to physically hear what was inside my head if I worked hard enough. I liked the result, basically. I never liked the process.

Singing is and was different, of course. I've always enjoyed the process as much as the result there. (And when I'm having off days I enjoy the process much more than the result, naturally.)

Essentially, the difference between singing and playing instruments (or creating any other form of art), for me, has always been that singing was an end in itself. It didn't have to lead to anything. I'd do it anyway because it made my whole world seem beautiful regardless of what it sounded like. And I assumed nothing else would ever be able to match that, because nothing ever has.

Singing is a good meal, a long conversation with a close friend, the best movie you've ever seen magnified a million times. And it always has been, for me.

And now I've found something else that does that for me. Just as intensely. And I feel like crying because it's so beautiful, and I didn't expect it to mean this much to me.

I feel like I've found a giant puzzle piece I've been missing all my life.

revoless.
2:18 p.m.
November 18, 2003.
Listening to: The Good Life.

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