Every time I sit and think, I'm baffled by how much my weeks without a computer changed me.
I can no longer putter about online for several hours at length without becoming exquisitely bored.
My first recourse was reading. Now I'm out of books to read, and for a while I didn't know what to do with myself.
Then I started creating things. Developing characters, for one thing. Insert small army here. So now I'm writing a book (which, despite my involvement with NaNoWriMo, will take a hell of a lot longer than a month to write). I'm writing about what I know: music. And the kiddies are playing the music that's in my head (with quite a few alterations). Basically, they're forcing me to write music as well as words. At the moment I'm immersed in two arts at once, and working fucking hard to get better at them. By writing words and music obsessively. Every fucking day. With no excuses, and little inclination to make them.
And it's wonderful. And I'm enjoying the hell out of myself.
When I'm not either creating art, reading books, or singing and dancing along with my albums, I'm actually going out. Shockingly, I end up going to see and/or hear goth music nine times of ten. Not something I anticipated. But when push comes to shove, that's the way I lean. And I'm embracing it because, ultimately, it leads to me having a hell of a lot more fun. And that's what everything's about, isn't it?
What else?
The bad part about all of this is that I'm increasingly losing touch with people I know online, even after having come back. I've just found that I don't particularly care whether I talk to people or not. Most times I'd rather not. Most times I'm happier alone.
This feels like a bad discovery to make. To find that one is happy as an artistic hermit is very antithetical to the entire nature of society. It's not supposed to be a state a person functions well in. I'm supposed to go insane, become depressed. Instead being alone with various forms of art makes me giggle with mirth and dance around to the sound of my own voice.
Goal for the month: Make a good dent in the book I'm writing. Goal for December: Start learning how to play (or get better at playing) any instruments I might have in my possession by then (birthday is the 22nd, I'll have at least one more by December). Anything else is informal, but I'm certain I'll get more than that done. After all, I hadn't anticipated writing much (if any) music this month, but I'm writing it just the same.
Fall is always good to me.
revoless.
7:41 p.m.
November 02, 2003.
Listening to: a Projekt compilation.