Sartre has officially become one of my gods. He should've done years ago, but I kept putting off finishing the book in favour of others. I was stupid. (Though I admit that even this time it took me getting to the midpoint of Nausea before I found it really fascinating.)
It was tracking the music talks that kept me there. Watching for parallels. Reading is much more fun when you examine several levels at once.
Changed the excerpt page to one of my favourite passages from the book, which makes me happy. I've been looking for something to change that to for ages. This is perfect.
There's a thread coming off of the bottom of my skirt. Fifties skirt. Fifties thread. I feel like time is unraveling. It was a thrift shop find. Years ago. I first wore it when I was twelve, or. No. Fourteen? Fourteen. I'm shocked it still fits around my waist, but then I never did gain weight in proper areas.
I am shaped like an odd cross between a girl and a boy. My shoulders are too broad, my hips too narrow for the rest of my body (not that my body doesn't compensate with depth in the latter area, it just makes most dresses fit me oddly at the sides), too-long arms, short legs, a small waist and disturbingly large bust making sure I look female despite all that. Male and female. Nothing concrete. Short hair, mascara, lip gloss (sometimes). Mary janes and combat pants designed for boys. Boys pants always fit better. I think this perhaps holds true for everyone. There's no shame in them because the sizes mean nothing.
Another good thing about thrift shops: The sizes of clothes seem to dissipate. The markings are perhaps hidden on the tags inside, but looking at them is too difficult. You pull the garment out, hold it up to your body, try it on. Eyeballs serve better than numbers. I always feel like I'm insulting food if I measure while I cook.
Semi-stream of consciousness today, you'll excuse me. I'll blame the book I just read, I'm always influenced by these things.
Yes. Very pretty book. I must go off and think about it some more, because currently I haven't connected all of it. Most of it, I think, but good books can be thought about for hours. (And then I have to decide what to read next!)
revoless.
12:26 p.m.
July 30, 2003.
Listening to: The Walkmen, Calla.