Last night I found myself in a bit of a depression (as I am wont to do). I've been trying to focus on the happy moments, and they're there something close to a third of the time, but I have trouble making them last as long as I'd like. Back to the story.
I was sad last night, so I listened to Beulah in an attempt to cheer myself up. It made sense, since they almost always make me incredibly bouncy and happy when I listen to them. But it didn't work. So I was sitting around, drumming my fingers, thinking, 'Okay. Beulah didn't make me happy. My collection of happy music is severely limited. What do I listen to now?'
I was drunk (yes, it was worth it), so I put on Bright Eyes and said fuckit.
At first it didn't have much effect, because I wasn't paying full attention to it. Occasionally tears came to my eyes, occasionally I was pulled into the songs, but mostly I was just going about my business with some music in the background. Then Waste of Paint came on, and I was forced to get in bed and just listen. And I felt better. The abuse of the guitar, the songwriting, the voice. The voice was really the thing. The reason I listen to Bright Eyes, and always end up coming back. That voice cures everything for me, with its weird vibrato, and I can't articulate why. But I do need to remember. I used to know it instinctively, I can't imagine how I forgot.
The only trouble with listening to Bright Eyes while sad is that I tend to relate to lines that ordinarily make me want to slap the shit out of him ('You don't wanna understand' my ass). But that's okay. Cos he makes me feel better.
Speaking of 'You don't wanna understand.' I've been thinking a lot about people, human nature, politics (world and national, but mostly national), and that sort of thing lately. I've come to a conclusion. The single most important political issue, in my opinion, is education. I think that having properly/equally funded schools would help out a lot to alleviate crime, poverty, even the need for affirmative action.
Funny, I rant about this all of the time in my head, but I always feel silly and pretentious and 'Shut up you stupid 18-year-old' when I take it out of my head.
So I'm just going to be quiet now and let you think about everything, or not. Because I just woke up, and shouldn't be ranting about politics when my head hasn't even come out of the clouds yet.
revoless.
11:47 a.m.
July 15, 2003.
Listening to: Nothing.
Drinking: Nothing.
Eating: Nothing.
Defensiveness, mostly. Entirely uninteresting or A proper rant